A new day

So now I have found myself in a new world and position in life......seems I have stummbled across my sould mate by chance and well...even though we are sould mates it seems we may never actually be married or together for life. Funny how your past can really screw up your future...who knows though....thru time and patients and tons of bickering and fighting and growth...maybe one day we will find ourselves living...(can't say happily ever after because we both get bored so easy and we constantly have friction right now when things seem to be going well...his way of pushing me out of his life...don't ask) Sooooo now here I am....wondering and waiting....had another try and step back into my life....I have already seen him thru unfavorable eyes so needless to say I instantly kick him to the curb and avoid him......another is trying to meet but he is really too young and I just really don't want anyone but my soul mate...call me crazy but it's less confusing to me to just remain loyal until further notice. He has seemed to found the key to ending my days of catting around and needing that other attention...that need to know if there is something or someone better out there for me.........never thought I would find someone like this one.....wish it could be easier....but then again....where's the fun in that? Not like I can actually do anything right now in my life anyways so....why not just suck it up and hold on as tight as I can on this little roller coaster we seem to be on.

a little family history so you can better understand

so I am the baby of 5. Military family. Mom married first husband at age 16ish because her mother made her so she says and she hated him....so she said...oldest brother born then the divorced she married again soon after...loved and worshipped him he beat her or was mean which ever story we are going with on any given day wham divorce then met my dad and had sister one and two then many many years later me....all of us were born in or conceived over seas girls all in Germany. Mom and dad liked to party and drink and smoke cigs and collect the coupons and green stamps and dad actually got stuff from the catelogs with these things..it seems to have been a mission to smoke a crap load of smokes just to get these coupons.....thus begins the scarring of my siblings child hood or so they say.....lol

yesterday January 26, 2010

this was a good day...the day before was yucky....I was actually able to get mom out of the house and with out a huge fight or guilt trip! Jessica actually came with us...because I wouldn't take her home and we didn't get into a huge argument...it was great! Got everything practically that I wanted and didn't have to put up with my sister's calling or dropping in and keeping on with their drama and main goal to get mother in a nursing home and me away from "their inheiritance" .....lol it's all quite comical actually....mother really has nothing and if and when she may or may not have to go into a home the nursing home will get their precious "inheritance" idiots.....oh well..can't help who your blood is.....does prove why a lot of wild animals eat their own and young.

I was in H.E.B. Wooded Acres and in walked this ray of just shining light! She was a black woman with silver hair and she just had the most amazing glow about her.....I wanted to just stick with her all day long. If you believe in ora's I wanted to roll all around in hers and never leave. She too was picking up a rx and we stood in line together.....just being next to her made me feel like the weight of the world had lifted off of my shoulders...I felt so happy and peaceful and relaxed. I instantly made small talk with her and every word out of her mouth was just the same.....I know she will never know but man did I truely need her right there at that moment.....thanks God I know you worked thru her to give me the much needed lift and mini vacation.......wonder if I can stalk her down some how...hehhehehe (there's always some stupid dark twist to it all...lol humor is my way...lol)

The day all together started out ok...My oldest sister (mental pausal and empty nesting) called and started in about how we were going to use our own house phone and answer it or not or whatever....apparently she had tried to call...big surprise...to start crap no doubt....and hadn't been able to get thru. She drives me nuts with her notions and no doubt got on the phone with my other sister who is also mental pausal and emptinesting crazy psycho and the whirl wind begins....lol

Mom was clear headed for the most part. Her feet were still a little swollen. She remembered getting dressed and trying to go and stay the night with my second sister....odd enough as that was and scary all together...that's how they were able to take off with mother the last time and convience her that I was trying to kill her as they stripped her naked and dipped her in a bath of olive oil and took her off all of her heart pills and meds oh and refused for her to see her doctor or nurses or pt's or aid....hummmmm yeah...crazy I know but scary just the same.

Its odd for mom to remember some things and not others...even though she lived and experienced all of that she doesn't remember any of it at all. I don't know if it is selective memory loss or what.....my mother has always been a bit of dramatic person that tends to bend the truth or embellish to see the response or spice up or down something to her liking.....and yet here I am fully signed up to take care of this person who with out a second thought will and has thrown me under the bus in a moments time out of spite or boredom or at my sister's request or desire. She always punishes those that she is around everyday and that take care of her and my sister's know it.............more ranting later

new to this....not sure how far I want to go with it yet

so this is more of a random diary if you will....haven't honestly read the terms...don' t know if this is only a christian site or a site of free range....I must say I am curious though.....most of my stories will be of random tails of caring for an elderly parent with alzehiemer's and many other battles......kinda scared and yet excited about all of this...may need to be totally annoymous with all of this...I don't exactly have the loving supportive family in all of this...not anymore that is...they would love to get their hands on something.....well....who knows....here we go!!!!